It’s crazy how you used to say you never wanted to be anything like your mother. All the heartache and abuse you recieved when you were younger followed by the hurt she gave you when you were older. Now you’ve become her. Aren’t you proud?

Remember when your mother said you wouldn’t have any of your degrees without her? Well actually you never had a fancy masters anyway, it was just another lie in the box of everything else you lied about.

And now you have a health problem and you told me you were going to eat right and look after yourself and now it’s all cigarettes drink and chocolate.

Everything you ever said was a lie. I’m disgusted I ever believed a word you said. 

I went to a gig tonight with some of the most amazing souls I know. They played I listened and because my soul is so open right now the raw flesh absorbed all. Here is what I heard in the lyrics from one soul to another:

In England we go to a independant store to avoid corporate and being charged £6.00 instead of £4.70 just to have a quiet life. Simon Peacock.

A reporter reading out your emotions in the headlines. Daniel Beswick.

Now from my soul to yours. I’ve been so lucky to have the life I do and when I dream I dream of you. When I would awake I’d see you and smell your skin upon my heart and I’d skip a beat or three to fall into your skin and entwine that little piece more.

Right now I don’t sleep because of fears not to do with you but that reminds me when I’m awake you are not there and when I don’t sleep I don’t dream, like a wandering soul, where shal I wander without you behind my aching soul?

So I’ve found that way to melt away into one another. You see our puzzle is on a pedistale and everyone gets involved when it’s a unity between you and I. You see when we are up so high, that little piece I call Ace falls off the edge and begins to get lost in the ocean of fear and insecurity, of pain and strive from a life that won’t allow her soul to live free.

So I’ve moved the puzzle from the pedastal to the ground where the only place we can fall is into us and into what we do.

I believe I love and I see the truth in who we are together. I’m not letting go. I’m not going to let fear take you away. 

You say you are weak and that I am strong. On that not we are as strong as our weakest link, so I’m taking you like a solider in a war. I’m looking after my team. This fight of fear and insecurities is ours not just yours.

I’ll make you proud in my career because thats what I do. You’ll go to school and you’ll work and we will manage together. I won’t let you give up on either.

As for your heart I’ll heal your pain. I’ll fix the valve I’ll be the glue to that seal. As for me, when I’m ready to speak we will handle this together and when I’m down youll be by my side and when your down I’ll be by your side.

Today showed me everything I said was true and for that I’m sticking to us like glue.

So don’t fight don’t run, believe in your self and be done with conforming and be free to be you. Don’t be out just be you. Stop the lies and rely on your heart to be free….

I’m not sure where to begin…

When I was younger I used to watch all the girls I danced with struggle and battle their weight. I was never like that. I have always had fat kid tendencies and could never understand why they were thinking in that manner.

over the last 6 months I’ve been battling my weight and now I’m in a situation I don’t know how to handle really, I’m just thankful that I’m recognising it.

I dropped from a size uk 10 to a uk 4 and I’m still getting smaller. The problem wasn’t losing the weight.

The problem is for example last week I gained 2 pounds and felt physically and emotionally fat. This week I lost 3 pounds now what happens when I gain that 1 pound I lost will I feel bigger? It’s actually a dirty cycle and I was in this mind frame before I actually had time to realise.

I eat right. I have begun to drink water and squash completely cut out the red bull (drinking it excessively for years) And I exercise.

So after cutting out the red bull and stopping exercising for a while the weight loss is still occuring and I’m so afraid to gain weight.

The thought of gaining weight makes me ill.

I want to stop this silly behaviour before it gets too far.

Sb. 

A translucent soul wandering down a pier, milling past a million tiny cells of made up DNA that we call other souls. Let me jump, in hope you will catch me.

I wish. I want. I need.

I’m making the biggest change to my life. I’m moving back to what my heart wants. Along with all that my heart wants you. I’ll wait any amount of time until you’re back in my arms.

don’t fight anymore. I can’t fight anymore. say sorry and come lay with me.

pick me. choose me. love me.

It’s for moments like this that I live for, it’s moments like this that make me want that change

No more.

I know you love me inside. We both fucked up. Now come hold each others Hands and move away from the craziness.

I’m so in love that’s why I did what I did. In fear of losing you. Which pushed you away.

Don’t leave don’t go. If you’re thinking of me, come find me. Call me. Don’t text me it’s not personal.

Pick me. Choose me. Love me.

Dear Tumblr…

Not sure when I last wrote? Come to think of it…I’m lost.

I moved to a beautiful, crazy city, where my heart meet a soul that made everything around me flutter. I lost my mind somewhere in a street near by and spiralled out of control.

The Soul: Oh my, she’s so difficult to put into words. For the best of reasons. The most beautiful brunette I’ve ever met, with the brightest ocean blue eyes. She has a figure to die for, I’m envious every time I look at her. But you see on top of that inside her she’s awesome. Smart and talented. I’ve never met someone that could captivate me the way she does. Even watching her wake up and put a shirt on to go make coffee is like the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen. The way she moves in her own little way, how her sweater never matches her outfit but she still looks stunning. The fact she rarely wears make up and urgh shes just perfect in my eyes.

Sadly we have one difference, I’d give her everything and I wanted a 50/50 relationship.

She wasn’t out until this last week when it happened after we fought. I’m madly in love with this woman and I would do nothing more than to hold her while I sleep. Smell her perfume on my tshirt after shes hugged me. to feel the wrinkles of her lips as she kisses mine.

so I’m gonna write to her: Here:

Dear Ace,

I don’t ever want to change anything we did, everything we did was immense in large capacities. I look at you and my heart still beats double, I still get butterflies when you hold my hand and you know you’re the only person who can hold my wrist and take all the bad away.

I’m not ready for us to be over, because we aren’t over yet. I love you and I’m doing everything in my power to make it right. I know you still love me and I know we are both upset at each other but that upset is nothing compared to what we have.

It’s worth a shot it’s worth that love.

Say you’ll hold me even for one last time. come lay with me and disappear into one anothers eyes. let me touch you.

Don’t run from what is real. I’ve heard so much crap these last few days I don’t know what is what. But I know our love regardless of everything else and everyone else is real.

this relationship is you and it’s me.

so we owe it to try: I’ve cleared my head and I’ve cried more than I have ever done before. I’ve been supported and I’ve done what you asked of me. I hope you would do the same.

Think of what we have and think of all we have done. Remember why we were together in the first place.

I want to meet you on monday night, I have something for you. I’ll even come to you. I know you have work but it wont take long. Just say you’ll meet me.

Do this for us. Forget my family and your family just for one second.

I love you Ace.

Yours always Snowflake.

Say you’ll be mine….I’ll always be yours. 

I’m in love. It’s disgusting isn’t it. But I’m happy.

So after a discussion with someone whom I love dearly I began to write, in honour of her.

Finding you, finding me. I’m aiming for it to be published.

Peace.

Do I even need to explain what you do to me…

Everytime I see this I see you both wrapped around my soul.

I’m crawling inside someone give me a cure for What I feel.

I know had you of been single Last night we might of touched.